By Tiffany White
Kaylee, a SJ adoptee, confidently sits across from me with a warm smile and calm disposition as she talks about life as a foster child. She and her older brother, Bobby who entered the foster care system at the ages of 3 and 4, met their adoptive parents in 2013. But making the transition into a new household wasn’t easy for them. “When you are moved frequently, you automatically have an expectation that you are going to get moved again…it is hard to have hope. I didn’t feel safe and content, and we were confused because of the insecurity of [foster] parents not wanting us for a second time.”
Forming a bond with their adoptive parents didn’t happen immediately, but Kaylee says the consistency and love they received from them made a big difference in the quality of their relationship. Here is her advice for current foster parents and those who are considering fostering.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Me and my brother acted out like crazy and a lot of our foster parents blamed it on themselves. If a foster kid is acting out, it is because of the trauma they’ve experienced. If they are screaming and crying, just be there for them. Don’t self-blame too much because that can cause strained relationships, and it makes it harder to parent.
Make time for yourself, because taking care of a child who has a lot of emotional and mental issues can be difficult for everyone.
Plan activities with your kids such as going out to eat or walking in the park.
Be supportive – not intimidating. I do not hide anything from my parents. If they didn’t approve of a decision I was making, they would work with me to figure out a better alternative.
Be transparent with your foster child. A lot of times, foster parents like to keep things from the child to protect them emotionally but for me and my brother, that only affected us more so our parents were very transparent with us about what was going on and that helped us process everything better rather than trying to put all the puzzle pieces together on our own.
Interested in learning more about fostering a child? Contact Lisa Barber-Atwell (alicab@sjkids.org) to register for an information session.
This post was supported by funds made available by the Kentucky Department for Public Health’s Office of Health Equity from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for STLT Public Health Infrastructure and Workforce, under RFA-OT21-2103. The content of this post are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official position of or endorsement by the Kentucky Department for Public Health or the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.